Doh!

I’ve been a stay at home mom for 12 years now and I love it. Hands down the best job I’ve EVER had! Since I divorced 5 years ago, I’ve tried a couple of things here and there. I am a licensed cosmetologist and have kept fairly busy cutting hair out of my home. I love doing hair but for me it has not been the most consistent income. I also started a cute little t-shirt company (@independentees) on instagram a few years ago. I took a simple idea from a tshirt by a fancy designer, which I could not afford, and made one for myself and it was an instant hit. I was unprepared for the overnight success of it and a few weeks into it, I was awarded 90ish% custody of my children. My kids were not in a very good place and were in desperate need of my full attention. So with the change in custody I was unable to stay on top of my sales and shipments… eventually someone else took the idea and has made a very successful business out of it. It’s been frustrating to know that I had an idea that could have really benefited my family but I know in my heart, that I was doing what my little family needed at the time. I also tried to fill in as a receptionist and accountants assistant at my friends real estate company here and there but for the most part, I’ve been a full time mommy.

Now that I’ve remarried, and my kids are a little more independent, I’m looking to get back out into the workforce. Since my business endeavors really never panned out, I’m finding that for the 3rd time in my adult life, I’m having to start over again. It can be a heavy burden at time to see my peers starting to get to that place of financial stability where as I feel that often times, I am spinning tricks to cover all life’s costs. It’s particularly difficult when I see the differences between my exes lifestyle and my own. If we truly split all our assets evenly, then wouldn’t our lifestyles be more consistent with one another? Granted for the past 3 years I’ve had my children majority of the time, child support can only do so much. Don’t get me wrong, we have had plenty. I’ve had to use a big chunk of my savings, have had to re prioritize my spending (work in progress) and learned to live with out but these have all been great lessons for myself and my children. My husband is such a hard worker and I am always amazed at his ability to work LONG shifts and come home and emerse himself into our family. I’m ready to get out there and help so that we can put our dreams into reality.

I had a real job interview a few days ago. I haven’t had one of those in 10+ years. It went really well… I think. I applied for a job as a “Ramp Agent” for a small airline here in the valley. A “Ramp Agent” is the people you see loading and unloading your luggage on/off the plane, driving the push back vehicles, and cleaning the planes at night. Nothing glamorous and considering the heat in the desert, it’s not for the faint of heart. It’s a part time gig with great benefits, as in free flights for me, my husband, and our 6 kids! So to me it’s totally worth it. I’ve been pretty pumped about it and constantly checking my email for a “congratulations, you’re hired” email. Haha… but today when I was thinking about the actual legistics of this job fitting into my schedule the one thing I forgot was… SUMMER. So much of our custody arrangement on both sides revolves around the fact that I’m a stay at home mom!

(Heart Sinks)

I’m bummed yet again feeling inadequate.
Disappointed that even if I do get the job, I’ll probably have to turn it down.
Sad that I can’t help ease a small portion of my hardworking husbands finacial responsibility.

Adulting is hard.

Growing up: Memphis, TN

It is no secret that my dad, Jefferey Lynn Carter, died in August 1989. It’s not a secret because I talk about it often. Experiencing loss at such a young age caused me to reflect much on the topic of death. This tragic event in my life helped me come to some pretty mature understanding of mortality and spiritual well-being at a very early age. Though it was difficult to endure, his death has very much shaped my life in a rather positive way. There are so many things I have learned from this single part of my life. Of course, I didn’t sleep for the first year or two after he died and I had lots of fear surrounding anything or anyone who was “sick”… but eventually, through a very patient mother, counseling, and the gift of prayer, I overcame those fears and I think I’ve become a pretty well-balanced adult…

I was born in Memphis, TN on a Wednesday evening. Other than my mom cleaning the house and doing laundry, my arrival was pretty uneventful even though my baby book has a picture of me, just moments after birth, with the caption “Prize fighter”. I was the third child born to Jeff & Jenny Carter. I had an older brother Ben and an older sister Jill. We were pretty close in age and my mom definitely had her hands full.

My father was diagnosed with Epilepsy while my mom was pregnant with me (1981-ish). The Epilepsy started small but progressively developed over the years. I was young enough not to remember too much about what was going on as well as the hardship it was for both my father and mother. I did know that he was “sick” but I don’t think I ever realized how sick he was. I do know that when I was about 4-ish, he got better enough for them to have my little sister Terri and 21 months later my little brother Ty snuck in there. 🙂 That’s when my dad started to get really bad. He had a few major surgeries in an attempt to correct the seizures. After the last surgery he never recovered. After he died, they found that he had a rare form of cancer that lined his brain.

We stayed in Memphis for about a year after Dad died. At first, my mom and us 5 kids were embraced and supported by our community but soon it became hard for my mom because her story seemed to be “too sad” for others. So she made the difficult decision of moving us across the country to Bakersfield, CA where her family lived.

Tattling is NOT my jam.

Whining is NOT my jam. Don’t love the sound of it and rarely do I love the content. This is one of many areas as a parent where I need to exercise more patience. Sigh.

My son had a teacher once that I was less than thrilled about. She was super sweet and all but… I often felt like she cared more about telling me all the great things SHE did as a teacher, instead of how my son was doing in her class. So that year I tried to “show face” in her classroom more frequently so I could get a handle on how my son was really doing. I didn’t learn much… Haha. (Basically I just figured this year wouldn’t count and I’d really need to get a good teacher the following year.) What I did learn while in the class was this…

The flippin’ Tattle Book!

This changed my life when it came to uncontrollable cries, tattles and whining.

(Que singing Angels)

The kids entries are hilarious and when they come to me to tattle, I get to kindly redirect them to the book!

Win-Win
…but guess who whined to her husband last night over the stupidest stuff… This girl! He is so patient.

WTH-AID

Translation… What The Hell Am I Doing?

Am I the only one who says this out loud every day? I’m 34 years and 8 months old, I birthed 4 kids in three and a half years, I endured a difficult divorce, survived 5 years as a single mom, somehow convinced this stud-muffin to marry me, gained 2 silly and handsome sons, and thought 2 dogs would be a great idea. Is anyone in charge of this 3 ring circus?

Me. Yep, I’m in charge. Barely.

This is my imperfect yet perfect life. I love the ups and the downs and all the crap in-between. I may not know what I’m doing but I know where I want to be and I’ll try my best to get there. I am so grateful for a loving Heavenly Father who has given me the opportunity to be a mother. Motherhood is such a rollercoaster… But the laughter that often fills this home is a gift I will forever cherish. My heart is full of love for my patient husband… With him by my side I know that we can overcome anything.

There is so much to look forward to. There is so much to be happy about. There is so much love to be shared.

WTH… I am doing this.